Today on Aboot Canada we have James Riot who thinks he can manage the Ministry of Kicking People’s Arses better than the current man, the legend, the abomination himself, The Tusked One. Well James, here’s what you’re up against! Do you really think you can outdo this titan, whose legacy will pass into Canadian folklore for all time? Well, I’d sure as heck like to see you try, eh?
Just so you’re properly informed, this is a man who ordered a mloon strike on Hudson’s Bay because it looked too much like a boob. This is a man who uses his tusks to open cans of beer. This is a man whose mere glare causes polar bears to shit their rocks before the wrestling can start. This is a man whose nipples get hard enough on cold days that he can scratch the paint off your skidoo. Think carefully, James, before taking him on! –Duncan
Toronto certainly is a special place, but not everyone in Canada agrees it’s a good kind of special, eh? Some of us look at T’ranna and scratch our heads in bewilderment. Why, there was even one time that they tried to put a giant condom on their sky dick! Imagine! The reasons why are shrouded in mystery, but we all think it was something dirty involving the full moon. –Duncan
Far from mythical, the flatulent powers of Canadians are mythic! Heroic! Even superheroic! Unfortunately, the Olympic committee has thus far refused to allow any of our fartaletes to compete in sports where we can show off our rectal prowess. That’s why they aren’t showcased in front of the world for all to see, eh? We’ll just have to wait for smellovision to be invented and then hack all the satellites to show the hit Canadian movie “Higgins McTavish And His Iron Tush Part 3: The Fartenning.” Seriously, that one gassed out theaters all over the country! –Duncan
Today’s question comes from Kevin Hayman, eh? He’s wondering whether we revere our folk singers. Well, some hosers do, but most of us are into hockey. So I thought it’d be informative to talk aboot some of our hockey teams. There are many more of course, but here’s a good start! –Duncan
