Tooks? TOOKS? nononononNONONONO! We do NOT wear members of Bilbo’s adventurous ancestors on our heads! *sigh*
One of the more amazing initiation rituals was that of Rhonda Dalhousie, who happened to undertake her ritual during the Ice Storm of 1998. She had to fight a black bear, eh? They were both half covered in ice and the trees around them were losing their branches dangerously. Fortunately for Rhonda, the bear’s fur got so full of ice that it had a hard time moving around. She led the bear under a huge maple just in time for a large bough to fall on its head. The extra predators released for the ritual took one look at the naked, icy Rhonda standing on an unconscious bear, and the turned tail and fled as fast as they could! Imagine! –Duncan
Toronto certainly is a special place, but not everyone in Canada agrees it’s a good kind of special, eh? Some of us look at T’ranna and scratch our heads in bewilderment. Why, there was even one time that they tried to put a giant condom on their sky dick! Imagine! The reasons why are shrouded in mystery, but we all think it was something dirty involving the full moon. –Duncan
Far from mythical, the flatulent powers of Canadians are mythic! Heroic! Even superheroic! Unfortunately, the Olympic committee has thus far refused to allow any of our fartaletes to compete in sports where we can show off our rectal prowess. That’s why they aren’t showcased in front of the world for all to see, eh? We’ll just have to wait for smellovision to be invented and then hack all the satellites to show the hit Canadian movie “Higgins McTavish And His Iron Tush Part 3: The Fartenning.” Seriously, that one gassed out theaters all over the country! –Duncan
Today’s topic comes from Raven Perez, who has a thoughtful and reasoned inquiry aboot a-holes. At first glance, you might think he’s asking aboot arse holes, but he isn’t, eh? It’s the A’s in the names that that hose head is referring to! Get out, eh? Well, here’s a little story aboot how all those a-holes came to be, and how our respective nations continue the tradition of being a-holes with our speech. –Duncan
